it was early, I was mourning

this just to tell you, my air is short but the breeze comes out long. I threw a flatbread to the burner and scraped honey from a jar. and made a walnut taco. walnuts are bitter sometimes, but I've heard that if you can get a fresh walnut, you could die. I just don't really glimpse boring. do you think I am to eager, too easy? 

where are you, by the way. have your fleas melted to the pits or are you hear with me?

one mere perfect thing

i want to mention that i miss you.
and tell you i am going to get copies of my parents various diplomas and certificates and have them framed.
had a kidney stone.
had a hell of a time.
sucked it up.
gave face.
grew up.

your branches still hang in my room. i am proud of that.
its a way for you to talk to me that i get.
the fauna seems good with you, appropriate.
visit.
hang your head on mine. lie to me about everything.
arm in arm through it all.
we are seals to each others deals, and yes, that
is good.

this needed to be alive

2008, the 20th of February.


Lets make dreams. lonely ones.
lets make sands tha t mak e glas s
lets make promises that our friends want to keep.
we are elixers
good ones
that fuse clouds into dust into us into u
and then our parents on sundays.

that’s too sweet, I so don’r knoe what ro say.
But! I will try, but only in a sentence ended with
wirth.

we could of got a few back.
thats what we said.
in youth. in god.
we talkd about it later.
but we knew what we wanted

I nevr liked it, but I liked you so I didn’t criticise too hard. Infact I
celebrated your dumb words, your catalog of indiscretions.
But what did it mean anyhow, for a word such as that only explained so little.
A little of nothing but still……… sat slowly and unpreturbed did I, as you said them all, the words.

but that’s just you.
isnt it.

o Luke

o Luke

O, Like.

we give each other up. with soft shoes. with a rhine-heart.
maybe thats how its supposed to be.

I make stars. I make many things out of yarn, telling.
a little come up. a little something to lay on the shoulders.
warm. brown. birthdays. christmas.

a holiday of somethig less deserve-d. But! Again with the Bur! A celebration of the Butt! A holiday of dorthcoming ignominies. All surprising. (But!) just because it’s a favorite conjunction of mine. Nothing morenothing less.

Dear Diary,
    Today I met a boy, very special to my little wet ache of a heart.
im just me
don’t blame me
lets just go then
where you want to. desert. dust. cactus. peyote. spanish.

I give up on me.


Trails of yarn. A spine fallen. Maybe a wash unfilled. but those don’t ecist……..


An anonymous exit we cavort through, you & I.
Amen.

and betrayal.
and hate.

but forgoe the hate and remember that to love only incites such feelings. And are you worth so much?

the sentiment that I give.
the touch.
just go pack it up. for packs of coyotes, and packs of cigarettes.
just give up on it all into nebraska.

A pack of wild dogs addicts me to what I do before I do. But not to say it isn’t true. The truest. I follow like an instinct the stink of a smell sweet as you.

what we do best is get along
like bad song.
like forever.

we wished we knew how.
the mechanics of it all.
but thats a union job and we just cant pay the bills.

nice coverup but poor followthrough

you know what?
go fuck yourself.
of the grand canyon. into oblivion. off of old thunderstorm of 17 hour hike.
I dare you.
bitch.
seriously.
I mean come on.
you are talking to a guy in a 1500 dollar suit
come on.


GOOD comeback, retard nation. It’s cool to be as retarded as a loser dog who cant fuck even sight as a bitch who can’t hear a second.

whoa.
whoa.


just
stop.

here comes arizona
an eagles song possibly
then we just sat there

I have come to the realization that us just doesn’t have as much weight as me.
but there is a lot of bacon that could tel you otherwise.
so we settle for sausage. or heartache. patsy. willie. and me.
GROSS

you make me want to take a knifer in the bathtub to make it cleaner for all the lovedones who find me. Not to make them sad or anything, but like, I just had to do it then and everything, so don’t get all sad n shit cuz like it’s not a big ficking deal or


I miss you when yer not there

that was the last time I sang to her.
forever.
and ever. night time.

bar scene, 1:21 am, winter

I am the evolution, the first to be notified. This is a first person experience, let me be the first to let you be the second to know it.

         "Hi," he said to the damp face before him. It's the girl he always knew when he saw her, but just couldn't place. Couldn't place her even where she stood now.

         "Do you want to get outta here?" he asked, hands over face. He couldn't bear to look at her. He couldn't bear to hear the weezer song blasting from the speakers.

Les held in a conversation that could have been. She hadn't helped, hadn't hurt, until she began again, and for the first time:

         "I owned you. I had you locked in active memory experience. Time held and I had you froze, you couldn't blink but your eyes were stone and your irises begged but I couldn't cut them free. And you were in me tight till I killed you and died myself." She took his silence as a blessing, and managed to finagle a beer from the bartender without paying for it.

        "Lend me a dollar; I have to leave a tip" she held her tiny hand open to Les but let her eyes wander. He fished.

I think I've already been right there.

       "Misty." He suddenly remembered where they met, in his room which is covered in sharp sticks for food. She was drunk now, and flirting with a random lamb. They sure do wander, don't they! And she remembered, too. As she was forgiving Les, forgetting him, and finding him true she felt herself change. Ferdinand was forever, the bet arranged. She knew who she'd be. Sitting on a two-person hammock, into the sunset sighing.

       "I want to thank you, quietly and just secret." She yells this at no one in particular but grabs Les by the cashmere scarf and pulls him out the door and into the cold streets. Les steps off, down towards the asphalt. A boy and girl, sitting for a second.

       "It isn't over," he, stumbling on the right thing to say. Manages a smile and she's gone, torn into a wind.

ekg for the soul

i am the evolution of the hydrogen 15 billion years ago. i cant begin to grasp this. not even with the help of carl sagan. i do see stars, matter. always with the sunset. always igloo white. there is nothing to monitor how far we can go. do i help the sun to shine? can i divide darkness with you.

the unfathomable ability to be so scared to not be able to say no. i humble my self. my modesty is cold eye pain. the good. it gets to a point where you let it fall. balance. records. facts.

(lavender)

its cathartic to theorize. no specials here.
oh i miss my friends. i need fancy wallow. i need to be told its all allright because i am to skinny to tell. god bless fetish.
vice.
routine.

there is no such thing as an answer. no absolute. no quota. my body hasnt built up immunity to me yet. there are signs it can. you are the first to be notified.

date number 51

Les held in a conversation for three short seconds. On a porch, actually now that I notice isn't it amazing, amazing how, (if you look up there, index finger, gesture vaguely) yeah there are so many stars, so many stars tonight? even here, like in this city and evrything. So many!

Yeah, she looks up and agrees, lots of stars tonight. A silence (could contain the always noise of three thousand years of cricketcall, but doesn't) remarks something for the city & giving a value to his observation about it. Be cause its emptiness of cricketcalls, he notices succinctly, making her too observe his quick wit sometimes looked over. 

Misty leapt off the step onto a rock fastened centered on a riverflow, veering distancewrd to ward something, off, a rock and into the water, fast swept though still shallow enough to collect all the reflections from the passing nights.  Neither was sharp (the rock, the sky, he, she) but they all laughed in sparkle spires, or serrated spade shapes, just a stabward sliverslice. That could have been. 

maurice sendak

i think i've already been out side 4 to 9 times tonight. but in my room. just moving the peripherioal. i think new york is officially over. the krux of it. going to have to wait a year to
move though. thinkin bout it.

my neck is on fire. loaded brik the other day . for my job. concrete for a wall.
"o i got sick of you years ago. you remember the promise, i suppose."

(children running at the teacher in a yard)

my feet hurt wet. the storm outside is boring. i want dust and noise. i will be back there for a may storm in the next 2 years. with my dog, and maybe one of my brothers.

:just go to bed its 430. be right there.